First Bitten
by Hollibell
Summary: She woke from an eternity of burning, not remembering her name or anything of her former life, not even knowing what she had become. 5 years later, she finds others of her kind. Will she find love and happiness in this new life? Or forever be an outcast?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first ever fanfic! Please let me know what you think! While based on Twilight's version of vampires, I have created my own characters and scenarios, so none of the names or events should be familiar. **

**Disclaimer:I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Twilight. **

Pain took on a whole new meaning for me.

I was on fire, smoldering, an inferno. It was never ending. I burned hotter and hotter. I thought, my last coherent thought, _It has to end soon! _It never did.

The pain burned through my mind. I no longer remembered or cared how this came to be. All there was, all I was, was pain. Burning pain. I screamed, though it did no good. I begged for death, for whoever was torturing me this way to just end it. I kept expecting my heart to give out, something. It just beat stronger, faster, harder. Pumping liquid fire through my veins. With no end in sight.

Or was there? Possibly. Was it possible? My fingers and toes were no longer on fire. The flames in my chest were stronger though, so the lessening was barely noticeable. I only registered the change because my brain suddenly seemed capable of noticing more. Of holding more. I could think about the unbearable pain of the burning and at the same time realize the absence of pain elsewhere. Which only made my torment worse. I screamed with every breath, although by now I knew it did me no good. My heart was pounding even faster, burning hotter.

My arms and legs were suddenly freed from the pain and torment. But the inferno in my torso intensified. Was it possible? How could it get any hotter?

How long this went on, I couldn't say. All eternity? It felt like it. But the pain was condensing, moving away from my outer extremities, coalescing down to a smaller point, centered around my raging heart. My heart kicked into a whole new rhythm. _This is it_, I thought. _Now I will die_. My heart stuttered once, gave a last great thump, and then stopped. Finally, I was dead.

Or so I thought. My mind was still working. Sounds were coming to my ears that I couldn't understand. Birds were singing. I heard the foot steps of some animal, the crunching of its teeth as it grazed. I could pin point exactly how far from me it was. I gasped in a breath. It felt wrong somehow, like I didn't really need it, but at the same time I inhaled fragrances and flavors from all around me. I could smell the scent of the deer in a nearby meadow, the scent of the earth where I lay, the ground torn and broken with my struggles. I became aware of a new burn, in the back of my throat. As if I had been left in a desert with nothing to drink for days. Suddenly all I could think of was quenching this thirst. Instincts I didn't know existed took over. My body twisted, springing upward from the ground. Instantly I was on my feet, crouched down in a hunter's stance, sniffing the air for what I needed. I was barely aware of how much sharper my vision was. That wasn't important, except how it could help me achieve my goal. Quenching my thirst.

I froze, using my heightened senses to scan the area. I could smell the deer, hear it grazing, hear the soft thumping of its heart, the blood coursing through its veins. That would do. That would calm the thirst, somewhat. Then I smelled another scent. Sweet as honey, alluring as the best perfume. I didn't even think about it. I was gone.

Running through the trees. _Fast. _They should have been a blur, I was moving so fast, but my new eyes saw everything. I could see my prey even, through the trees. I came to a halt on a trail and turned, facing my intended victim.

"Wow, hey where did you come from, beautiful?" It was the last thing he ever said. I sprang at him, crushing him to the ground. I heard bones crunch underneath me. He gave one strangled cry and was silent. My teeth instinctively sought out the point on his neck where the skin was thinnest, the blood flowed the closest to the surface. I latched on, my teeth sinking easily through the skin and muscles of his neck. I sucked deeply, reveling in the exquisite flavor of his blood. I sucked until not a drop more would come out. Then I let my victim fall to the ground.

The thirst was….not gone, but somewhat quenched. The pain of it had receded enough that I was sane again. And able to realize the horror of what I had just done.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It had been five years since I woke up for the last time. Five years of living a life that could not truly be called living. The first year was the hardest. The most painful. I killed a lot of people that first year. My first was the hiker in the woods where I woke from my burning. With this brain of mine that was capable of so many functions, so many thoughts at once, I could remember every one of the others just as clearly. Too bad I couldn't remember my life before burning as well.

I wasn't even sure what I was. I thought maybe a vampire. But sunlight didn't kill me. I got all sparkly like a diamond or crystal in the sun. That was my first suicide attempt. I was very disappointed. I'd run out into this huge patch of sunlight, thinking to end my torment, only to shine with all the colors of the rainbow. My skin was impenetrable, hard as granite, so no stake to the heart. I had tried that once, too. Imagine my surprise when the tree branch I had so carefully sharpened to a point splintered in a million pieces when I tried to ram it through my chest. And I was fast. My movements were instantaneous. I could run at unimaginable speeds and never get tired or winded. I tried running myself into the side of a cliff once. I made a very big cave.

I also had a conscience. I didn't want to prey on humans. I slipped up a lot that first year, though. The bloodlust was uncontrollable at first. But once I realized what my body needed, I started trying to get it from animals instead of humans. Their blood did quench the thirst, but not nearly as well as human blood did. I learned to stop breathing and run in the opposite direction if I detected even a hint of human scent in the air.

But I thought vampires lost that conscience, lost their humanity. I thought it was why I couldn't remember anything about myself; my previous life; my name, how I came to be burning in those woods to begin with. I assumed, based on my apparent previous knowledge of vampires, that I must have been bitten by one. But why bite me then leave me? And it still didn't explain why sunlight didn't burn me and why feeding on humans bothered me, so I was still not sure if "vampire" was the right word for what I was. Another thing, I found I could move things just by willing them to move. I'd discovered this by accident. After my second human victim, I was so furious at myself and at the hiker who was in the wrong place at the wrong time that I wished, very forcefully, for him to be far away from me. His body suddenly zoomed off through the trees. It made quite a mess on the way. All I had heard, all my previous knowledge of vampires, said nothing of extra powers. I really didn't understand.

It was strange how I remembered some things. Like the "rules" for vampires, or that I had ever even had another life but this one, but nothing at all about who I was or how I got to those woods in the first place. I could, however, remember everything from the time of my burning forward; every victim's face. And I never slept, never needed to sleep. I wished sometimes that I could sleep. Maybe then something would come back to me. Something would surface though my subconscious. Maybe then I could remember.

I started wandering after my first year. The human temptation had gotten easier to resist. I was lonely. There had to be others out there like me. I stuck to the woods for a while, not trusting myself in the human world yet. I finally decided to venture out into a town I had discovered, going in the cover of darkness. The darkest darkness, the night of a new moon. The town was quiet. I could smell the humans, safely indoors, so they thought. I could have easily broken in and attacked any of them, but I was able to resist. I was very proud of myself for that. I wanted to know where I was. It was my main reason for coming into town. I also needed something else to wear. My clothes were barely hanging on my body as it was. Sometimes dinner got feisty.

This was where I discovered my other strange power. I started listening to the voices inside the houses, trying to learn about the place I had found myself in. I was concentrating very hard, trying to determine everything I could about the speakers. That was when I realized I could hear their thoughts as well as the spoken words. It just made me twice as determined not to slip up again. I shuddered at the thought that I would be able to hear my next unintended victim's dying thoughts.

That first town was in Canada. Which confused me. Was I Canadian, then? I didn't think so. I must have traveled farther than I thought.

I moved about like this for the next four years. I stuck mainly to the forests, going in to the towns when I became curious about my location. I avoided the cities. There was just too much night time activity in the cities. With my lack of company, I was beginning to feel less civilized. I barely bothered with clothes any more. I still covered the important parts. Some ingrained modesty that not even the isolation of the forests could banish from me. Besides, what if I did happen along someone? I still clung to that hope that I was not alone.

And so this was where I found myself, five years after my transformation. I knew it had been five years by the cycling of the moon and the changing of the seasons. My mind was easily able to keep track of things like that. I was in Oregon. At least I assumed I was still in Oregon. I didn't think I had traveled far enough from the last town to have crossed state lines. It was cloudy. It rained a lot here. I had just brought down a big mountain lion, my favorite prey, when the wind shifted and I smelled them. Two of them. Their scent was unlike anything I had smelled before. It was not human or animal, it was like a combination of scents, all pleasant, but still frighteningly unfamiliar. And yet, close to my own smell. I froze.

"The scent leads this way, Jimmy." A male voice was saying. It was the most beautiful voice I had ever heard, nothing like a human's harsh sounding words. It was melodic, pleasant to my oversensitive ears,"I don't recognize her scent. Who could she be? Why didn't she try and contact us before hunting? Wait, I can hear her now."

I crouched over my prey. Some insane baser instinct told me they might try to steal it. The lion was mine. They were not going to take it from me. A sound vibrated up from my chest, through my throat and out as a ferocious growl. Then they emerged from the trees.

I remained where I was, snarling and spitting, refusing to give up my prey. There were two men. One was tall. His hair was blonde and cut short. His face was smooth, perfect. Everything was in perfect proportion, from the slant of his nose to the shape of his brow.The other one was slightly shorter with hair so dark it was almost black. His face was so beautiful. It was the most beautiful face I had ever seen, with high cheek bones, perfectly straight nose, and a strong jaw line. Both men had the same golden yellow eyes with the same purplish bruising underneath. Their skin was pale white. I recalled how I had once caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror while in one of the many towns I passed through. The image that was reflected back at me that day matched these mens' faces. I had the same eyes, the same purplish bruisings, the same skin color. I had finally found others of my kind, or rather, they had found me. And I was terrified.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I want to thank Becky Scarlett-Cullen for my first review ever! Your stories are awesome and your opinion means a lot to me, so thank you very much!**

**Disclaimer: I forgot to do this last chapter! Sorry! Still getting used to posting these, so: I do not own Twilight. I feel privileged to dabble in Stephenie Meyer's world. **

The dark haired one spoke. "Don't be afraid. We won't hurt you. What is your name?"

"What's going on Xander? Why are you talking to her like that?"

"Hush, Jimmy. She's wild. Completely feral. Hold on." The one called 'Xander' had a look of deep concentration on his face. "She has been a vampire for five years? And completely alone. She developed her own conscience after making her first kill. She doesn't remember anything from before her change, not even her own name. She hasn't had any contact with any other vampires. _We _are scaring her."

I couldn't figure out how he knew all this. Then I thought, if he was a vampire and I was a vampire, maybe he could read minds, too, like me. Maybe all vampires could. _No!_ I thought. _Get out of my head!_

The one called Xander suddenly stiffened. "I don't know how she did it, but she just closed her mind to me."

"What!!??"

I wasn't sure how I did it either, but I kept at it. I decided I didn't want the lion that badly anymore. I was getting the hell out of there. I used my other power to pick the two men up and throw them. They shot straight up in the air then backward over the trees. They didn't even have time to speak. I heard them crash down somewhere in the distance. Then I turned and ran.

I smiled to myself at their shocked cries as they flew through the air. If they could do the same things as me, it was good that I caught them by surprise. I kept the lock I had somehow created on my mind in place just in case.

As I ran, I was trying to figure out why I was running from them when I had been searching for someone like me for so long. The truth was they had caught me by surprise and I didn't like that. I had given up on the idea of ever finding anyone else like me. I figured I was some kind of a mutant freak or something. And then these two show up out of nowhere, reading my mind and referring to me as a vampire. All I wanted was to get far away.

I suddenly realized I was being followed. How was it possible? I had one hell of a head start on them. Listening, I realized it was only one of them back there. I used my own mind reading power to see who it was.

_Damn it, _the mind voice said, _I can't believe that happened! What the hell was that? She must have done it. How did she close her mind to me? Why is she so scared of us? Wait a minute. I can hear her again. And she is listening to me. She is reading my mind. Hey, stop running, ok? I won't hurt you. We won't hurt you. We're just curious! Stop so we can talk!_

_Hell no. _I thought. Shit. He could hear me again. I must have done something when I listened for his thoughts. Maybe vampires could link minds or something.

_No, not all of us can do this. In fact, you are the only other one I have come across who could. I thought I was the only one. I'm going to catch you either way; I wish you would just stop. I don't want to fight. _

He was going to catch me was he? I paid closer attention to his proximity to me. He was gaining fast. I could always throw him away again. I decided to stop and see what happened. I once again created that mental block to keep him out of my mind. It was easy once I knew what I was looking for; or rather, feeling for. Unfortunately I was no longer able to hear him either.

I spun around and sank into my hunter's crouch again, ready to attack if I needed to. I felt another growl building and I let it rip its way out from between my teeth.

The one called Xander emerged from the trees, hands held in front of him in the universal signal for 'I mean you no harm'. I really wasn't buying it. I growled louder. He stopped where he was.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk; to help you if you need it. I know you have been lonely. I could see it in your thoughts. Let us help you." He said all this in a soft, soothing voice. I still wasn't sure.

"My name is Xander Stevens. My friend back there is Jimmy Foster. Our family has a home near here. If you want, you can come back with me. Let us help you."

He sounded so earnest. There was something about him. I wasn't sure what it was, just something. I straighten out of my crouch, still just watching him.

"I know you don't remember your name, but is there maybe one you go by, something you have chosen for yourself?" I shook my head no. I hadn't used my voice in so long; I wasn't even sure what it sounded like.

"Um, _can_ you talk? I'm sorry it's just that you haven't said anything yet…" he trailed off. He seemed a little ill at ease.

I took a deep breath. _Here goes. _"Yeah, I can…talk." _Wow was that my voice? Really? _I hadn't used it in so long. Come to think of it, I wasn't sure if I had spoken anything since my change. I was expecting a raspy, rusty, unpleasant sound, not the ringing musical melody that came out.

"Oh! Good! I mean, I've never heard of a mute vampire, but then I've never seen a vampire do the things you do, either." Xander was smiling at me reassuringly. "Just come back with us. I may be able to help you. If you're not happy with our arrangements, you could always leave. It's not like any of us can stop you."

I thought about this for a moment. He told me that he'd never seen anyone do what I did to him and this Jimmy. It sounded like the truth. If this was true, then there probably wasn't anything any of them could do to stop me. "Okay." Talking again was so weird! "I will go with you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own it! This universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

I sat there, in that house, just staring at everyone. There were five of them all together. Xander Stevens and Jimmy Foster I met in the woods. The others were Sarah Jenkins, Leonard McCoy, and Susannah Whitfield.

When Xander, Jimmy and I first got there, things were a little tense. The other two girls didn't seem too happy to have another girl on their 'turf'. Xander explained to them how he and Jimmy had found me in the woods and that I was alone, with no idea that I was a vampire or what a vampire really was. He didn't use the words 'wild' or 'feral' again, but I could tell by the looks on the other threes' faces that this went without saying. Apparently creating and then deserting a vampire was not a common practice.

"So, let me see if I understand," Sarah began. "She has no memory at all of her previous life, no idea who created her, not even what her name is?" She shook her head. "But look at her eyes! Xander, she doesn't feed on humans. How is it possible that she, well, first of all remained undetected in her newborn first year, and second of all learned to resist human blood?"

This annoyed me. I was sitting right there for crying out loud! She could have asked _me_! I answered anyway. "Um, I'm not sure what you mean about undetected, but I chose not to hunt humans because it's wrong. I've always known I used to be one, even if I don't remember that life. I made lots of mistakes." I grimaced, "But I got better at self control. I think it helped that I woke up in the middle of nowhere; out in the forest. The only humans I came in contact with were the occasional hikers. It's not like I want to be a monster." It felt really weird to be talking so much, but I was getting used to it.

Sarah just shook her head and leaned against Jimmy. One thing the girls made clear right off the bat was who their mates were. Apparently, Jimmy belonged to Sarah and Leonard belonged to Susannah. They reminded me of a mountain lion I watched once, spraying the surrounding trees to mark its territory. Xander seemed to be the odd one out. At least no female had come out and rubbed herself all over him while staring 'keep away' daggers at me.

Xander looked uncomfortable. "I was able to hear some of what was in her mind. She's telling the truth. I couldn't get into her human memories, but her vampiric ones were accessible. Then she blocked me out and I could hear no more until she started reading _my_ mind." He was reluctant to admit all of this. Was it because I hurt his pride or was he afraid of their reaction?

Everyone just stared at him in shock, including Jimmy. Xander hadn't told him about our little mind conversation we had. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't understand what the big deal was.

Jimmy smirked, "Wow Xander. No one's ever been able to keep you out before. I wonder if she can teach the rest of us how to do it, or if it's part of her special ability?"

"Oh, yeah, Jimmy, you mean how she read my mind in the woods? Yeah, I'm sure it's linked to that. It was when she started reading me that I was able to hear her thoughts again." Xander was giving Jimmy meaningful looks. I think he wanted my other ability kept from the girls for a while. I don't think Jimmy understood.

"Well, yeah, Xander, that too, but I was thinking of her other ability, you know, when we were lifted off the ground and thrown about 500 ft backward into the forest. That sounds like telekinesis and that's also controlled by the mind. I wonder if there is anything else she can do."

The girls apparently thought throwing two vampires 500 ft into a forest was more than enough for me to be able to do. Sarah and Susannah both hissed and dropped into a crouch, threatening me.

I wasn't going to take that crap lying down. Or sitting on the couch. Whatever. I sprang to my feet, then dropped into a crouch of my own, teeth bared, emitting a ferocious growl. I instinctively reached out to their minds so I could anticipate their moves.

_Bitch threw my Jimmy, MY JIMMY, into the trees! I'll tear her apart myself and dance around the pyre as she burns! _That was from Sarah. It was obvious she didn't like me; maybe even saw me as some kind of competition for Jimmy. Please. As if I'd even know what to do with him!

_She's too dangerous! We have no idea what she is capable of! What was Xander thinking? She's wild, worst than a wild animal! She could expose us all! LOOK at her! She's snarling at us for crying out loud! _Susannah seemed mainly just concerned for her family. She thought I would harm them, and she wouldn't allow it.

Xander jumped in between us. "Stop! Girls get up! She won't attack unless you do, so just stop threatening her! Smooth move Jimmy. Nice Job." He turned toward me and looked in my eyes. _Relax. I won't let them mess with you. Jimmy just caught them by surprise by telling them what you did. We've never met anyone that could do that before._

It wasn't like he was talking in my head; it was more that he was thinking really loud so I would hear him. I was sure he could hear me, too, now, but he didn't look like he was trying really hard. I thought back, _I'm not going to just sit here and let them attack me. Not physically or verbally. I should just go. They don't want me around. _

_NO! _His mind went all upset for a minute. _No, you don't have to do that. Stay here, they'll come around. I think I can help you. _He was thinking about how he planned to help. Apparently he was able to delve deep into a person's mind and find things that were hidden away, even hidden from the person whose mind he was reading.

That wasn't all he was thinking about. He was thinking about something else, too and trying very hard not to think about it with me in his mind. He was thinking about me. It made me uncomfortable. Not that they were unpleasant thoughts. No, they were quite the opposite. Then I became aware that he was aware that I had figured out what he was trying to hide. It was too much. I blocked him out. I just thought really hard about him _not_ in my head and then it was done.

"Aw, come _on_!" Jimmy griped. "As if it wasn't annoying enough having him answer questions before they're even asked, _now _he's found someone he can have a whole mental conversation with? Jeez!!!"

I didn't really jump, but he did catch me off guard. I shifted my focus to include Jimmy as well. Sarah and Susannah were slowly straightening out of their crouches. I waited until they were all the way upright before I straighten, too. I still watched them all warily, ready to react at the slightest provocation. Especially the girls, after seeing into their minds, I doubted I would relax my guard around them anytime soon.

"Can it Jimmy. She's nervous enough as it is." Xander sighed. "All right everyone, can you just give me a minute?" He glanced at Susannah. She looked apprehensive about leaving him alone with us. "Susannah, I'll be fine. She won't hurt me. She wouldn't even have fought either of you, really. Just enough to get away and make a run for it. Trust me." Susannah was really protective of those she saw as her family. I actually liked that about her. Sarah was just a bitch.

Everyone filed out, leaving Xander and I alone. "Do you understand what I was trying to show you? How I can help you?"

"Yeah, you want to delve deep in my mind. Try to find my human memories." I shuddered. He would have to be very deeply inside my head to do it. I saw what it took in his mind. I was not too sure about it.

"It won't hurt or anything. It's a little uncomfortable, though. But you could find out how you got this way. What happened to your creator. What your name is."

I thought about that for a minute. I supposed I could always block him again if it became too much to deal with. "Okay. What do I do?"

"Just open you mind. And try not to resist. I will be working backward through your vampiric memories….the worst will be the burning. I will try and skip past it." He closed his eyes, placing his hands on my temples. I flinched, then held still. "Let me in." He whispered softly. I shivered, took a deep, unnecessary breath, and dropped my guard.

At first, I didn't even know he was there. I closed my eyes, too, so I could concentrate on what was going on inside my head. It was like watching my life in reverse. Sometimes he would stop and look a little closer at something. He was really interested in my first impression of him. _Hey!_ I thought and he moved on. I was sure if I opened my eyes, he would be smiling.

He saw all the lonely days of my vampiric existence. I didn't realize how pathetic I was until that moment. Then he reached the moment of my burning. I nearly pulled out of his hands at that.

He tried to slip past it; not to linger too long. The problem was one of my repressed memories was of the vampire who did this to me. So he needed to see what happened just before the burning began.

He paused in a murky, dim memory. The sensation of him in that part of my head was so very uncomfortable, so very intrusive, it was all I could do not to push him out. I looked around at what my former self was seeing.

I was walking down a street. It was night and a little cool outside. My skin had goose pimples on it. It felt so weird, so _human_, something I had no real memory of feeling. I reveled in the memory of it.

Suddenly, there was a man in front of me. My former self jumped back, surprised. _"My Kaitlyn, I've found you at last!" _he said, in the most beautiful, most musical voice I had ever heard. My former self didn't recognize his face, although he addressed me by name, so I must have known him._ My name is Kaitlyn?_ The me in the memory was thinking that there was something familiar about him, though, in his too perfect, pale features, though there was something not right about his eyes. The me in the present registered the red color they had and Xander's thoughts confirmed my suspicions. He was a vampire. Who ever his features reminded her, er, me, of were painful. The me in the memory pushed the memory away.

He reached for me suddenly, and before I could scream he had me in his arms and was running, speeding through the streets. The next part of the memory was terrifying. Everything was passing her/me in an indistinct blur. My former self had no idea what was happening, where she was going, even if she was sane anymore. Finally, he stopped.

I watched the events unfold knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it. I could feel the anger and revulsion building inside me as I watched. In the memory, he lay me down on the floor of the forest.

"_My Kaitie, at last we can be together, forever!"_ He said as he leaned toward my neck. A shock went through my mind. At that moment, my memory of me recognized the vampire as a human she/I had known; just before he sank his teeth into her/my neck. I, meaning the me in the here and now could take no more. I wanted Xander _out _of my head and _away_ from me. Immediately. I opened my eyes at the sound of shattering glass and breaking wood. I was staring at a gaping hole that had once been a large bay window and part of a wall. Xander was no where to be seen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: We all know this world belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

Everything happened at once. I know that sounds cliché, but it really did all happen at once. I was pounced on by no less than three different vampires. The moment they touched me, I sent all three flying away in three different directions. The only one (besides Xander, who had ended up in the next state for all I knew) who didn't pounce on me was Jimmy. He was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. I almost threw him after Xander, just to shut him up.

"He's not laughing at you, he's laughing at me." Xander said as he walked back through the hole his body had made. Man was he fast! As hard as I had thrown him, he had to end up at least a mile away! "Let's not tear down anymore of the house."

"I was going to reuse the same hole." I muttered. I didn't care if it wasn't at me. His laughing still pissed me off.

"Jimmy cool it. She's not kidding. It wasn't that funny." I realized he could probably read my mind again. I had let my mental shield slip. I quickly put it back in place. Xander sighed.

"I always…knew….that was going to…..come back on….you one…day!" Jimmy was still laughing, but trying to regain his composer.

Sarah, Susannah, and Leonard ran in from where they had landed, growling and snarling the whole way. Glancing around, I realized I'd broken three more windows. As soon as they saw me, all three dropped down, ready to pounce again. _Idiots!_ I prepared to throw them again.

"Guys, please stop, ok? It was my fault. I was pushing too hard. And I should have done this outside." Xander was eyeing the hole in the wall speculatively. He turned to me, "I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

I just stared at him for a minute. _I throw him through a wall and he asks me if _I'm_ ok? _"Yeah, I'm….fine."

"It really was my fault. That was a very sensitive memory for you." He sighed and walked closer to me, looking into my eyes, "I was trying to find out who the vampire was. It seemed like you knew him when he was human, which means he was fairly new himself. Maybe an old boyfriend?" He stared deeper into my eyes. His were liquid gold. I just shook my head. From what I remembered, he wasn't a good memory. Almost like even as a human, I had been repressing the memory of him.

"Well, we learned you name, at least, I think." He paused for a minute, trying to gage my reaction. I wasn't giving anything of my feelings away, though. "It's Kaitlyn, unless he was calling you someone else's name. Or maybe had you confused with someone else." He was still staring down into my eyes. It was hard to think.

I shook my head again. The name felt right. "No. That was it. But I…think….I went by Kaitie." I was trying to bring it back again. It was there, but not like it was my memory. More like I had watched it on TV. But I was still sure of the name. _My_ _name_. Kaitie. My last name was still lost, though. Xander continued to stare into my eyes. My stomach was doing weird little flips. On top of this was that feeling I had in the memory, from looking at the face of that vampire.

I suddenly had to get away. I couldn't voice what was in my head aloud, so I dropped my barrier; let Xander in to 'see' what I was feeling and what I needed. I needed out and far away. Alone. _Now._

His face was registering his surprise at suddenly being able to hear my thoughts. Then he processed what was in my mind. "Go," he said. "Just please, come back!" There was a whole rush of emotions and thoughts and feelings all emanating from his mind all at once. I couldn't even decipher half of them, they were so jumbled. I think part of it was a reflection of what he was getting from me. Then there was this other part that was all Xander. This part showed me his concern for me. His desire to help me. His...feelings about me. That was the part that scared me the most. Without a second thought, I darted out the door, running at top speed through the forest.

I don't really know how far I ran. My mind could have easily kept track for me; I choose for it not to. I simply ran until I felt truly alone. Until I felt safe. Then I stopped and dropped to the ground, curling myself into a ball. I wasn't exhausted. This body never felt fatigue, no matter how long or how far I ran. This was how I dealt with emotional issues or pain. My defense mechanism, I suppose it could be called. I curled into a ball and locked the rest of the world out.

I sat there on the forest floor, contemplating everything that had happened to me this morning. I started with the easy stuff. Suddenly, I had people to talk to. People like me. Vampires. How did I feel about that? Well, Jimmy seemed ok, in an annoying kind of way. He seemed to except me as I was. He enjoyed the fact that I had stumped Xander with my ability to block him out of my mind. He didn't seem to worry that I would hurt him or his family. Sarah, unfortunately, did not share her mate's sentiments. I could hear the jealous undertones that colored her every thought while I was reading her mind. I didn't understand how she could be that insecure. She absolutely hated me and had no real reason to. It really pissed me off. Susannah didn't really seem to hate me, she just didn't trust me. She thought I would lose control and hurt those she loved. She feared me and my abilities more than anything. Leonard didn't really have his own opinion. He pretty much went along with anything Susannah wanted. He was happy if she was happy.

And then there was Xander. What was it about him? I felt a kind of connection with him. Maybe it was the mind thing. After all, if I wanted to, I could see and hear his every thought. And if I chose to listen to thoughts, his or anybody else's, then he could hear and see mine. There was an intimacy there that you just couldn't achieve any other way. And from what I heard earlier, when he was trying to prevent the first fight, he liked the intimacy. He liked me. I didn't know how to handle that.

_My memory. _Thoughts of Xander brought me to the real reason I was out here. I needed to get a grip on how I felt about remembering my former life, now after five years of being oblivious. Xander's probing had immediately found my last human memory. Now I had to deal with it.

The face of the vampire was so very familiar. It was definitely someone I had known. How, I didn't know. I had been repressing that memory even then, as a human. Apparently 'blocking' things from my mind was something I had done when human, too. He knew my name. I was sure he had it right, that he didn't have me confused with someone else. It felt right. _Kaitie._ Kaitlyn was my full first name, but my, I don't know, instinct maybe? or perhaps nature, seemed to really shy away from its use. Kaitie was what I went by. I replayed the memory over and over again in my mind. Trying to get more out of it by myself. I wasn't aware of the passing of time. Vaguely my mind registered the coming of darkness, but I didn't consciously acknowledge it. I just kept seeing that same memory.

_I was walking down a street. It was night and a little cool outside. My skin had goose pimples on it._ _Suddenly, there was a man in front of me. My former self jumped back, surprised. 'My Kaitlyn, I've found you at last!' he said, in the most beautiful, most musical voice I had ever heard. I didn't recognize his face, although he addressed me by name._ _There was something familiar about him, though, in his too perfect, pale features, though there was something not right about his eyes._ _They were red or something. Weird._

Who was he? I dwelled on his features for a time. Trying to force the memory out of my perfect vampire brain. After a time, I gave up and went on.

_He reached for me suddenly, and before I could scream he had me in his arms and was running, speeding through the streets. I was terrified! Not even sure, had I gone insane? Everything was zooming by in a blur._ _Finally, he stopped. We were surrounded by trees. I never even noticed the change from city streets to quiet forest._ _He lay me down on the floor of the forest. 'My Kaitie, at last we can be together, forever!' He said as he leaned toward my neck._

This was the tricky part. This was the point where I could take no more; where I had reacted so violently and thrown Xander through the window and wall to get him out of my head. I very cautiously explored this part of the memory now, on my own. It was somewhat easier to deal with the feelings this way, but not so easy pulling up the memory.

I concentrated on the vampire's face, right before he bit me. This was where my former self recognized him, right before she/I beat the memory back down. I was trying to remember what it was that I remembered about him. I struggled within my own mind, fighting to lift the curtain that was blocking the memory from me. Had I been human, I would have had a migraine by now. My head ached as it was. I could see small flashes of this guy's face as a human. The human me was terrified of him. His face created feelings of fear, disgust, self loathing. _Jesus, what the hell did this guy do to me? _I wondered.

It was like someone slammed a door on me in my mind. It sent me reeling mentally. A sharp pain suddenly stabbed at the back of my skull. I was still curled up tight in my ball, but I was panting unnecessarily, as if with heavy exertion. I certainly didn't need the oxygen.

_Damn it! _I thought. _I need Xander. _That thought started a whole chain of traitorous thoughts of him, revealing to myself, if no one else, the impact he already had on my life.

_The way he smiled at me, trusting me not to hurt him the other day in the forest, when he couldn't possibly have known what all I was capable of. _

_The quiet, melodic quality of his voice as he spoke to me, trying to calm my nerves, make me feel more at ease. _

_The moment in his house, when the girls had provoked me, how he'd put himself between us, fully expecting that I would not hurt him, when just about everyone else was ready to destroy first, ask questions later. _

_The thoughts, feelings he had right before I ran off. _

_His eyes like molten gold. _

_His perfect face. _

_His overall beauty._

I became aware of a presence moving closer to me. Then before I could erect my block or even hide the thoughts I had just been thinking, _he _was there again in my head. Xander.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I am merely dabbling my fingers in this awesome world created by Stephenie Meyer. **

"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. I got worried. It's been almost twenty-four hours." He was standing just beyond the trees nearest me. I felt my stone heart clench at the sight of him. Then I erected my mental barrier. I wondered how much he had 'overheard'.

"I was trying to remember about my creator on my own. I couldn't drag out the memory. All I managed to do was give myself a headache. I think it's the first headache I've had in five years." I sighed. "It seems even as a human I was able to block unwanted things from my mind. Only instead of blocking prying minds, I blocked unpleasant memories."

Xander walked slowly towards me, like he was afraid of frightening me. When he was standing right in front of me, he cautiously reached his hand up and brushed a lock of my hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. It was like an electric current passed through his finger tips, into my skin and down my spine. I gave a small shudder and my breath hitched in my chest. "It's all right. I'll help you. Just give yourself a break, Kaitie." He was staring worriedly into my eyes. "You look thirsty. When was the last time you hunted?"

"A week ago, not including the mountain lion I never got to finish yesterday." I smiled a little accusingly at him. It was, after all, his fault I never drained the lion. But I didn't really want him to think I blamed him.

He smacked his head. "That's right! We did interrupt your breakfast yesterday, didn't we? Would you like to hunt with me now?"

I thought for a moment. I had never hunted before with anyone else. I wasn't sure what to expect. Then I thought, what the hell_,_ and decided to give it a shot.

"Ok," I said, "I'll hunt with you." Xander smiled at me. He closed his eyes, concentrating. He was searching for game. I closed my eyes and searched, too.

Before searching for something to hunt, I scanned the forest for any signs that humans were present. When hunting, I let my instincts take over and I go rather feral. Past experiences have taught me that finding humans in the area while I am actually in the act of hunting could be disasterous.

I listened intently. Far off to the east, I could hear the sounds of a herd of deer grazing. The sound of the wind through the trees indicated to me that the deer were in a hidden meadow. I inhaled deeply, trying to catch their scent. The wind blew their scent right to me. It was a musky, woodsy scent, not really all that appetizing; I suppose you could compare it to the scent of spinach or broccoli cooking. It was edible, but if you were to smell a thick, juicy steak, you'd rather have that. Human scent, that would have been the steak, only a thousand times more appealing. I allowed my senses to really stretch, listening intently and smelling the air, searching to be absolutely sure there was no human scent anywhere around.

"Can't you smell them?" Xander asked, "They're about a thousand yards to the east of us." He was talking about the deer.

"I smell them. I 'm making sure they're all I smell. I don't want to make any mistakes."

I suddenly realized his scent was very close to me. Not that it was offensive. Quite the opposite. It reminded me of lilac and cinnamon, vanilla and ginger. It was magnificent. I felt him gently stroke my cheek. I jumped and opened my eyes.

"You'll be fine, Kaitie. We are miles and miles from any trail head here. People don't come this far into the forest. You ran a good 20 miles before you stopped."

I sighed. "I just like to be sure. Are you ready?" I eyed him, wondering just what the proper etiquette was for this. I was considering dropping my mind block, just so I could see what was expected of me.

Xander grinned at me. "Let's go!" He took off like a bullet from a gun. I laughed and followed him.

_Damn he's fast! _I thought as I raced behind him. We were nearing the clearing with the deer. I saw Xander slow and drop into a hunter's crouch and copied him. The herd was oblivious to us. I decided to open my mind to Xander so we could easily coordinate. Not that we couldn't have caught them if they did run, I just preferred not to scare the deer anymore than absolutely necessary.

Xander was shocked at first that I had let him in. I allowed my mind to totally link up with his. It was amazing! Our communication was instantaneous.

_You can have first dibbs, Kaitie; since it's my fault you are so thirsty. _I really did feel quite desiccated. It had been so long since I last hunted. The smell of blood so close was enough to cause my throat to clench in pain. I pictured for him which deer I wanted. It was the big buck. I noticed he was very nearly past his prime and there were several younger bucks available to take his place in the herd.

I felt through our linked minds that Xander approved of my choice and the reasons for it. It surprised me for a moment, until I realized this was probably one of their main hunting grounds and conserving resources was essential for them to continue to live here. Xander imaged for me the older female that was his choice. She had no offspring at her side and was probably past her bearing years.

_Ready, Kaitie?_ It was still weird to me that I had a name.

_Ready. _I answered. I tensed for the spring. At his silent _Now! _I sprang for my prey.

It was over in an instant. I landed easily on the back of my buck. I felt his spine buckle under my sudden weight and strength. I reached around and twisted his head until I heard an audible snap, just for good measure. After all, I didn't want the animal to suffer. Then I sunk my teeth easily into the warm jugular, where the blood coursed the strongest. I drank deeply until the animal was dry. Deer and other herbivores were really too easy. I much preferred a feisty mountain lion or a bear. They tasted better, too; I think because they were meat eaters, like humans. I heard Xander's quiet agreement to my unspoken thoughts. Apparently mountain lion was his favorite, too.

I showed him an image of myself searching for and stalking a mountain lion and he agreed. This mind link thing was much easier than talking. He sent me an image of himself, watching. There was an undercurrent there, some feeling he was trying very hard to hide from me. I was anxious to hunt, so I didn't try to dig it out of his mind. I closed my eyes and listened carefully.

I could still hear the sounds of the deer fleeing away. I tuned that out and listened further.

_Soft thrumming of a tiny heart…._Bird

_Clicking of many tiny feet on the bark of a tree…._A line of ants marching on a nearby spruce

_Soft padding of heavy pawed feet on the earth, strong steady pumping heart, blood coursing strongly through the veins…_Sounds like a large predator

I sniffed the air, trying to catch the scent. The light breeze was blowing from the wrong direction. I did notice Xander's scent had moved closer to me. Then the wind shifted, bringing the scent I was looking for right to me. Mountain lion. I bared my teeth, emitting a low growl. My eyes snapped open. I was staring Xander right in the eye. His eyes were filled with excitement.

_Go!_ He mouthed to me, and I saw the corresponding image in his mind of me hunting and him following, watching. Again there was this feeling attached to the image that he was trying desperately to keep from me, but by now I was too caught up in the anticipation of the hunt to care. I turned and sped off toward my prey.

I sensed Xander following me, but knew he was no threat, so I concentrated on the lion. The scent grew stronger the closer to it I got. I slowed my approach, turned and scaled the nearest tree. I wanted the higher ground, giving me the upper hand. I slipped stealthily through the branches, silently leaping from tree to tree. Before long, I glanced below me, where the lion padded softly through the forest, oblivious to the danger above him. I let out a low growl, dropping down out of the tree onto the lion.

At the sound of my growl, the lion hunched down and glanced up with an answering growl of his own. Of course, he didn't stand a chance. I landed lightly on his back. He managed to spin underneath me, raking my stomach with his back claws. The sensation of his claws brushing my rock hard skin caused me no pain, quite the opposite. It sent an exhilarating rush of pleasure, very akin to adrenalin, through my system. If I had been wearing a shirt, it would have been shredded. My hand shot up, forcing the lion's head back at an impossible angle. My teeth clamped down on his jugular, easily passing through the muscles and sinew of his neck. As the hot blood rushed into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat, I felt the lion's struggles weaken. Moments later, the lion was dry.

I sat back and sighed, wiping my hand across my mouth to catch the dribble of blood I felt there. I felt much better. I licked the blood off the back of my hand. I suddenly became award of Xander standing a short distance away. And aware of what was in his head. He was no longer hiding that feeling he had when imagining me hunting. I got it full force. It was pure, unadulterated desire.

He was replaying the whole scene in his mind. I really saw myself for the first time through his eyes. No damn wonder Sarah was in such a snit over Jimmy. I barely had anything on! A scrap of non-descript fabric was wound around my breasts, the original color faded beyond recognition. I wore what barely passed for shorts. They were so short and small in fact, they were almost panties. And that was it, nothing else. My wavy, brown hair cascaded down my back and had a wild, unkempt look to it. In short, I looked a bit like some wild Amazon woman; a female Tarzan. And apparently this 'look' of mine was incredibly sexy.

From Xander's point of view, my hunt was an unbelievably sensual experience. Through his eyes, my stalking through the trees, the drop down on the lion, my feral growl, even the cat-like way I had cleaned myself off was very erotic. If I'd had a pulse it would have been racing. If my heart could beat, it would have been pounding. My body felt strange as it tried to initiate these responses and couldn't. Xander was suddenly right in front of me. I don't know if he moved to me or I to him. He reached down and gently ran his fingers down my cheek, along my jaw, down my throat, leaving a trail of fire along my skin. For all of its hardness, vampire skin was incredibly sensitive to touch. This also sent an electric jolt through his fingers and up his arm. I could feel all of his responses and emotions through the mind link. And he could feel mine.

I was suddenly in his arms, crushed to his chest. His lips were molded to mine so fast I barely registered his movement. Liquid fire coursed through my dead veins. Everywhere he touched me, my body came alive. I broke the kiss, gasping for air I didn't really need; it was a reflex action. Xander searched my eyes and my mind, looking for any sign of hesitation on my part. He found none. I wanted this, _needed this, _more than I thought possible, new as these sensations were to me. I smiled at him and reached behind my back to undo the knot holding on my top.

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**A/N: Hehe! Sorry folks! But this is rated "T" not "M"! I am considering writing a one-shot for this scene with a stronger rating. It really depends on you! Actually, I will probably write it. I will only post it if my reviews are plenty! So, let me know! Do you want the whole sordid tale, or are you content with what I write in this fanfic alone? Have any good suggestions? **

**Additional note: While I will add in "details" should I post that one-shot, I am not turning my Kaitie and my Xander into cheap ass porn stars, so I will be keeping it "tasteful" yet "tantilizing"! B-)**


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